52 Ancestors #5: The Last Cup of Tea

It is remarkably sad how life changes all plans. Yes, I know, I'm behind on this prompt (as usual), but I never expected to have to write this post. The week we left for RootsTech was atrocious. Our flight was canceled twice before we finally got a keeper, due to, "officially", the winter from hell. Coming home was no picnic either due to another sudden snow storm between the airport and our house! The week before we left, my Aunt Janet went into the hospital with a still unknown affliction. Things were not looking so great, but while we were in Utah, she came out of the illness for just a few days before slipping back further upon our return. She passed away on Valentine's Day.

For me, this prompt has always had parameters. I only profile ancestors who have passed. Which is why I never anticipated covering someone so fresh in my memory banks. However, this has proven to be enlightening in a different way.

When thinking about Aunt Janet, I came to the realization that I didn't really know her very well. She is the first "Aunt" that I have lost out of the five total I had. I have lost great aunts before, but in some cases, I felt closer to them than to some of my Aunts, with a capital A. I also don't feel too bad about that....we moved away when I was a young adult....and some relationships are just naturally stronger than others. And yet, there is always that pang of regret when you realize you let another memory keeper slip through your fingers.

There is also the guilt of realizing that you let the opinion of others filter your view of someone. I knew her through others. Yes, I grew up around her, visited her house often, and talked with her a little. But our family events were SO crowded and hectic, it was rare if anyone got one on one attention. Therefore, traveling through these life events (birthdays, Holidays, anniversaries, weddings, funerals), always gliding near each other, but not directly into the other's sphere, you lose that sense of personal memory. I remember my father talking to her on the phone, and other people talking about her, but I never really formed my own opinion....until now.

Death has a way of cutting through the crap. People suddenly remember the person more fondly than they might have a week earlier. Relationship struggles seem to fade away as we focus on the essence of the person. So what essence do I remember?

I remember a family hierarchy that I will not go in to....but I will say that my Dad and Aunt Janet were the two oldest siblings, and sometimes in the same dog house according to Dear Grandmama (who is still with us at 93!) And yet...despite those family challenges, I do know that Family was the most important thing to Janet. Even when it took a saint to still call them family, she never gave up on them and continued to swim through the muck of family complexities - with a smile on her face. My branch was not so strong...we moved away...still connected to the family, but not nearly as firmly planted. I admire her for that commitment and dedication.

In fact, our moving away did provide a direct memory I have of her that spoke to her character. We moved away, not only because of family strife, but because of devastating financial problems. As a younger person, I was delighted that the problems allowed us to move to Kentucky, but that is another story :-) Our move here was not smooth. It took years of struggling, trying to make ends meet, and finally giving up, pulling up stakes to join the other side of my family who had a house for us to rent. I do remember that time after time, Janet was the one who always helped my Dad financially throughout the whole struggle, and I know he has been forever grateful for that unpopular act among the rest of the family. I'm not criticizing the other members of the family, but I will say, families sometimes exist through webs that resemble politics. What others may have viewed as a political strategy, we only saw as help that was desperately needed.

Something else I knew about Janet, but also heard through another....she was one of my Grandfather's favorite children. It was not widely known nor ever shoved in the faces of the other kids, but I had heard this before, and I witnessed an affection between them when others weren't looking. Sometimes, I had overheard doubting about this fact, but I think many misunderstood this favoritism. Grandpa only had one sister, but she died when she was a toddler. When Grandpa told me about little Garnet, he described her death and said "I sure did love that little girl." (Imagine that statement coming from a gruff, seasoned soldier.) With the similarity in name, and Janet being his first little girl, I think he was finally able to resolve the missing affections he had had to let go of so many years before Janet's birth. Plus, Janet was born during WWII, and with Grandpa away, fighting during her early years, any family member was doubly precious during those difficult years. They had a double-fold bond that was unique and quite precious.

So....about the cup of tea....
This past Christmas, I had an odd but fun moment with Aunt Janet. As I related earlier, Christmas is usually a chaotic day with pockets of family members roaming around and snatching any empty seat available. As my family had arrived early, we took up residence at the kitchen table - full of sweet goodies. Just as everyone was finishing up their breakfast, Janet came over to take the seat next to mine. We all continued to nibble even though we were stuffed. You know that feeling when everyone has just consumed a large meal, and we all finally slow down, enjoying the digestion stupor? I can remember that feeling, and was sitting there at the head of the table, with my Mom on one side of me, and Aunt Janet on the other side. I suddenly realized a cup of tea would be marvelous at that moment. So I hopped up, announced I was going to hunt down some mugs and make a cup of tea. My Mother expressed interest, and then Aunt Janet seconded, and said "Oh yes, I'll have one too!"

It took a little while to get everything together and heat them all in the microwave, but I finally got everyone's tea ready and to the table in front of them. We were passing around the sugar, and with spoon in hand, I asked Janet if she wanted any sugar. She said, "yes, and heap the spoon!"....so I heaped the spoon full of sugar....and she said "and another"....and I put in another....and she said "and another"....and my eyes got wide as she made me put in four heaping spoonfuls of sugar into that tiny mug. I asked, "are you sure?" And she laughed, and said "Oh yes, I like a little tea with my sugar!" Of course we all laughed, and then just sat there, drinking our delightful cups of tea, nibbling on some breakfast sweets, and just chatting some girl talk. Even at that moment, I reflected on how intimate that scene was....it was probably the most intimate moment we ever had....it was a wonderful memory, and I'm glad we all had time to make one last memory together on Christmas Day.

As for the particulars about Aunt Janet's life, I will leave much to the obituary link at the end of this post. I would also like to relate that she suffered from MS for many years and was one of the strongest women I knew. She was also a wonderful florist in Cincinnati for over 30 years. I can remember being one of the only girls at HS graduation with a bouquet of roses handed to them after the ceremony, which remains a special memory! Every time I walk into a flower shop, the sights and smells take me back to her flower shop on Cheviot: All About Flowers. Definitely a personal memory unfiltered by others. There are also several kids, grandkids, and former exchange students who could tell you many more great stories about this loving lady.

Janet Louise Daniels Millard: 1942-2014

I know she leaves a gap in the family that cannot be filled: Goodbye Aunt Janet, until we meet again...and give Grandpa a big kiss for me!

Sorry folks, I know this was a long one, but for me, writing is part of the healing process.

Love According to Jack & Thelma

A couple of years ago I got a little addicted to buying original letters and photos at Ebay. My addiction was partly a result of the bidding wars that took place for the WWII letters of Jack (George) Hunt and Thelma Barnes. Apparently, this collection was sold at an estate sale, but subsequently separated into batches for the online auction market. I have not investigated Jack Hunt's War record yet, but I do know he began his service in 1942 and served well into 1945. During this time, he was engaged to his hometown sweetheart, Thelma Barnes. Unfortunately, I was unable to win all of the batches of letters written between these two, but I managed to snag about 100. The separation of this collection was conducted in a mercenary fashion as usual. Batches of 10 were parcelled out in date order, with the exception of a few singled out to be sold on their own when the content was particularly interesting or rare. It was doubly sad that no one seemed to want Thelma's letters since she was writing from the homefront - hers went very cheap. Yet, their story is only half known if we only read one side of the exchange.

The wonderful thing about these letters is the prolific prose found inside. Jack was a very engaged writer! He was articulate, his penmanship was clear, he was detailed, and he was funny! He was not the most grammatically correct writer, but his sweet affections expressed for Thelma are some of the most adorable I have ever read. Instead of the standard (and often boring) letters back home, Jack actually described what he was doing, how he was training, what movies he saw, and how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with dear Thelma. As I went through the letters, these two expected some sort of leave within 1943 or so to get married, but the War kept getting in the way. The more they wrote, the more they expressed their desire to marry and have a happy life with children. I also noticed that as the War drug on, Jack's letters became much more solemn in nature - but he never waned from his desire to marry Thelma. By the last letters in 1945, I did not know if he made it home to marry his sweetheart, but then I stumbled upon Thelma's obit from 2008. I was very excited to see that they did get married as soon as he got home in 1945 and had several children. Jack died in 1971, but Thelma remained true and never remarried. After reading their passionate love letters, I am not surprised in the least!

These are some excerpts from their February letters.

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone! (P.S. Don't you love her pink stationary?!)
C

Shadows of Eastern State Hospital

Earlier this year I learned about and joined the Facebook group "Eastern State Hospital Cemetery Preservation Project". I did so for two reasons: 1. Cemetery preservation is something I believe to be vital to our cultural heritage. 2. Lewis P. Mockbee. Over my years of family history research, I kept stumbling upon G-G-G-Great Uncle Lewis. He was listed in the family rosters as he should be, but I always made a mental note when I passed by his records because there was a notation included that mentioned his passing and burial at Eastern State Hospital in Lexington, KY.

In the back of my mind, I had always intended to research him further. The ESH Preservation group was a reason, but even with this new impetus, life intruded and I was not able to aid their cause as I would have liked. Recently, Uncle Lewis came back to my mind as I read the latest article in a local paper: Tomb of the Unknowns by Bruce Burris.

For those of you not familiar with this particular case, ESH is the second oldest mental hospital in the country. Started in 1822, it carried a stigma for families and local officials that continues to serve as an obstacle in properly remembering those who died and were buried on the grounds of the ESH. Here are the gut wrenching facts about burial at ESH: a.) No one knows how many bodies are buried there since the records are scattered, lost, and in some cases refused access, even for loved ones of the deceased. b.) Physical remains are so hard to locate because the bodies were moved so many times, or buried over by development, that most are in a "scattered" state. c.) Estimates on body count run into the thousands, and random skeletal remains sometimes surface or are stumbled upon within a few inches of the soil line.

According to the article, access to any of the patient/burial records - even for those 100 years or older - are stonewalled, flat denied access, require court order prior to release, or are held hostage at the capital archives. The efforts by the official preservation group include researchers seeking out other records to fill in the names of lost patients. In many cases, obituaries and death records are enough to place an ancestor at the hospital, and Mary Hatton, the lead genealogist for the group has started a spreadsheet that allows families to add their loved ones as they are discovered.

A complete list of the efforts, as well as the spreadsheet can be found at the ESH Cemetery Preservation Project's official site called: Naming the Forgotten. Wonderful assistance, history, and a small number of records can be accessed there if you suspect you had a loved one that spent some time or their last days at this facility.

Without the official records, the trail of each patient from ESH can be hugely complex or confusing. As I mentioned before, the stigma attached to the loved ones who ended up at ESH has clouded some of the past accounts. I will use Uncle Lewis as an example.

Lewis P. Mockbee was born September 2nd 1842, in Pendleton County Kentucky, the son of Charles Wesley Mockbee and Mary Malinda Moore. He served during the Civil War in the Union army: Co. A 18th KY Volunteer Infantry. During this service, he was wounded and taken prisoner at Richmond KY. By 1864, he was in a Chattanooga Hospital where he was later released. He married Rachel Fields on April 24th, 1867. To their union, ten children were born. Rachel died in 1888 at the age of 43.

Within approximately four years of his wife's death, Lewis was sent to the "asylum in Lexington." Nothing has been passed down to explain his condition or why he was sent there to live for the next 30 years before his death on February 27th, 1922. What has been published out there online has perpetuated the "fact" that Lewis died and was buried at ESH. This repetition of "fact" made me feel a little closer to the project's efforts.

However, after a simple search for Uncle Lewis's obituary, the "facts" became somewhat altered. That old-fashioned microfilm search turned up the following result:

"L.P. Mockbee, aged 80 years, died Monday at the State Hospital, Lexington, where he had been for the past thirty years.

Mr. Mockbee was a native of this county and is survived by five children: C.P. Mockbee, Mrs. Calvin, Mrs. William Davis, Mrs. L. Mattox, of this county, and Anna Ellis of Ohio.

Mr. Mockbee had many friends in this county who will be sorry to learn of his passing.

The remains were brought back to his old home Tuesday morning. Funeral services were conducted Wednesday at Short Creek, and interment took place in the Short Creek Cemetery."

Taken from the Falmouth Outlook, March 3rd, 1922
There was a small bit of irony that I noted about the placement of Uncle Lewis's obituary. It was not hidden in a back page, but prominently placed on the front page with other obituaries, right at the top under the masthead. This man's life was celebrated by his children and not hidden as other ancestors have been according to fellow researchers. They did not mention his Civil War service in his obit, but rather, mentioned the fact that he had many friends. They did not hide his illness, and chose to list it in the opening paragraph.

So many other ESH residents were not as lucky. Some families sent loved ones there and never heard from them again. Even if the family was still in contact with the loved one, financial constraints and the logistics of moving the body back to the home county, was frequently insurmountable - which meant the loved ones were interred at the ESH, with no chance for future visitation by relatives as is customary with a standard burial. They truly did join the ranks of the forgotten. I remember sighing a little bit in relief when I saw Uncle Lewis's final resting place as Short Creek Cemetery. It was comforting to know his remains were in an undisturbed, peaceful place, with a stone for identification. Immediately after that thought, I felt guilty that thousands were not as fortunate.

I urge everyone to support the efforts of this preservation group. The ESH burial issue is larger than the state it belongs to. As they work toward securing a permanent and respectful resting place, we must remember that each loved one buried there has an identity and story that needs to be discovered and restored to our collective memory. As Burris noted, these scattered remains include many veterans who deserve a resting place of honor....not these scattered acres of namelessness.

How to get involved:
Visit the main site to learn more: Naming the Forgotten
Join their Facebook Group: Eastern State Hospital Cemetery Preservation Group
If you suspect you have any relatives that spent time there or died there, now is the time to put their research at the top of your list - to give them back their identity.

CD
12/13/10

Obituary Stitches

Among the Daniels family items passed down by Aunt Mattie Daniels Townsend is a small (very small) collection of obituary clippings. From pedigree memory, I can easily connect each person's obituary back to our family tree, even if only remotely, with the exception of one: Frank Eamigh.

This obituary, despite its mystery, has always caught my attention. As a surname that failed to register on my genealogical radar, it was not the contents that caught my attention, but rather, the carefully stitched pieces of newspaper. Obviously, this obituary was very important to someone. They took the time to sit and stitch the two pieces from the differing sections of the newspaper to produce a small keepsake.

I did a quick search in Rootsweb and Findagrave for this fellow. Both produced an entry. However, from the lineage listed, I still cannot see a familial link to this guy. Of course, his wife (who is missing from the online pedigrees) could be our link, but I don't recognize her maiden name at all. Perhaps one of his sisters married into our family? It could also be from the Townsend side of the family since Aunt Mattie spent a lot of time researching and transcribing historical profiles of her husband's geographic and genealogical ties.

But then, it could also be one of those wonderful wild goose chases that litter our family documents. I use the term "litter" in a light hearted way because any information about our ancestors is valuable. The wild goose chase I refer to is the sprinkling of friend information within the items passed down to the descendants. My Mother's side of the family is rife with these sprinklings of friend information: photos, notes, etc. It just so happens that my Mother actually knew which people were friends when I couldn't place a name into the family tree. She also knew how the friend was connected and why their things might have been kept. But most keepers of the family heritage are not lucky enough to have that kind of extra information.

For a branch of the family that does not have such a wonderful guide through the items, the friend connection, while providing a glimpse into the social life of our ancestors, can actually be quite a time waster as we dig and dig, exhausting our research skills on a person that will never fit into that family tree no matter how much we try to fit them in there! So my advice, when processing a family collection, is to look at the whole collection with the same eye you would look at your own. Just as we live to day with friends near and dear, so our ancestors more than likely kept their dearest friend mementos, which eventually fell into the family keepsake pile as things were passed down.

If you suspect you have a family friend in the family archives, note the pertinent details and then do a quick search locally. For instance, many of the family friends in our collection are young people. If you know their name and which ancestor they resemble in age, check the class rosters. Chances are, they are a school chum. If the friend is in uniform, you probably have an old army buddy. If they are older, check the local atlases to see which family groups lived nearby. Back before TV or computers, local neighbors frequently maintained close relationships. And don't forget churches! Many friends can be found in the member rolls.

I have not ruled out a family connection for Frank, but noting his young age at death (25) and the care with which someone stitched together his obituary, I have mentally categorized him as a possible friend relationship. In other words, I have him documented and he stays in the collection, but I will not spend an exorbitant amount of research time on him unless I find another clue that points him back into the family category. Of course, all of this advice is for those of us who are pressed for time and cannot spend full time hours on our genealogy research......with that being said, the historian in me would like to remind everyone that we are trying to tell a complete story, and those friendships could someday prove to be invaluable links to further information, or lead to a story that would knock your socks off!

Happy hunting!

CD

11/29/10